ROHAN GUNATILLAKE: This week on Meditative Story, we have the great pleasure of hearing from actress and director Kim Fields. Kim’s career began with roles on iconic American television shows, such as The Facts of Life and Living Single, and continues with the comedy, The Upshaws. Kim is also an accomplished writer and poet, and in today’s episode shares a breathtakingly intimate reflection, in which she rewrites her relationship with her body. 

We invite you to hear Kim’s words and her candor, and while doing so, to be gentle with yourself. Afterwards, I’ll come back in for a meditation that gives all of us the opportunity to re-examine our relationship with our body. 

In this series, we combine immersive first-person stories, breathtaking music, and mindfulness prompts, so that we may see our lives reflected back to us in other people’s stories. And that can lead to improvements in our own inner lives.

From WaitWhat, this is Meditative Story. I’m Rohan, and I’ll be your guide.

KIM FIELDS: I give myself permission to take a hot bubble bath in the middle of the day. The water relaxes my muscles. I breathe in. The air is thick with steam from the bath and the comforting scents of healing salts. I feel present in my skin. I start to think. There are various parts of my body that, over the years, I have grown to care not too much for. I consistently say negative things to myself, or even to others, about my body. 

When I don’t have appreciation for my own body and all that it can do, I fall into self-judgment, and even find myself perceiving judgment from others. I allow myself to say unacceptable things. In this moment, I realize the need to stop this line of communication to myself, and make a change.

I decide to rewrite my inner monologue about various parts of my body. 

I begin with my legs.

In my adult life, I always thought my legs were one of my best features. But in this moment, I take it a step further. Rather than criticize my thighs for being a tad fuller, as of late, I remind myself, they are a part of my foundation, each one helping to make me soar or climb, to get from point A to point B on my journey. I regard the strength in my thighs. 

I move my attention to my stomach. My stomach has always been an adversary in my mind — KF enemy number one. So in this moment, in this bath, I regard my tummy as the former home to both of my babies. The life-giving hub for the spectacular human beings who are my sons. I take in my sunburst tattoo around my navel, looking at it through the lens of beauty, not burden. The backdrop of my tattoo, not being a slim and toned canvas, resolving to cancel the inner monologue that this region will always be the bane of my existence, a constant source of frustration. No, I look at my tummy now through a lens of appreciation, not anger at not being the collection of abs I’ve always wanted. 

And then, my breasts. In this moment, I resolve not to regard them as a pair of culprits, looming large and heavy in my bodily realm. I determine to make this the last time I wonder how I jumped from a cute training bra to a what the? double letters in the blink of an eye. I determine in this moment I will see my breasts as sexy, a beautiful dynamic duo, not as a couple of downtrodden souls, one posture away from being filled with a heavy negro spiritual like, Swing Low. Nope, not today. Rewrite. The revision forever is now, my breasts are stunning, full pillars of my intimate community. I determine they are no longer enemies of my state of femininity. They’re amazing. That’s my new story and I’m damn sure sticking to it. 

Revision, take root.

With my lower back, I revise my script about that region. It’s always been labeled as where I carry my stress. In this moment though, it’s where I carry my power — the connection between my foundation and my headquarters. I stretch and massage my lower back with gratitude — breathing in new life, new words of strength, releasing my usually troubled sciatica into a space of being a badass boss area now. 

As I move to my arms, my biceps, another source of past annoyance, I marvel at their strength and I take joy in the power that I can feel in my arms, in my biceps. Power. Power that has lifted up my sons, my family, my village, my colleagues, my industry, my community, my country, my world. These arms of mine — oh yes, Otis Redding reference intended. These arms of mine have been support. My shoulders have been sources of comfort. 

My neck. My neck is supported by the shoulders. My neck, that has pain in it, furthering my understanding of the phrase, “pain in the neck,” regarding people, situations, circumstances, or processes. In this moment though, I change my narrative and I regard my neck as the foundation, from my head, my mind, my face. I regard my neck, each bone, each vertebrae, each muscle, as a jewel. Crown jewels, quite honestly, a collection. A bit of divine machinery that supports my life, my goals, my visions, my dreams.

And so, in this midday bubble bath, I give myself permission to indulge in truly, a refresh of my mind, body, and spirit. As I determine in this moment to change my narrative, to give my inner monologue a revision, a rewrite. 

I change the narrative and I rewrite my script to push aside deals, plans, wants, desires for a different shape, a different look with my body. I resolve in this moment to enjoy where I am, what I have. In this moment, I will not allow the future nor the past to infiltrate and disrupt me and my rewrite in this moment. 

This rewrite is empowering. It’s clarity, it’s confidence, it’s fuel, oxygen and beauty. 

Listen, we all have certain things in common, because of our shared humanity. We all have our own self-perceptions, no matter if you’re an actor or an accountant. There are certain aspects of this script that may be specific to my life, but for the most part, we’re all in this humanity thing together. We don’t always realize how important our bodies are. We can all reassess how we feel in our bodies, from the standpoint of our own health. No matter your race, your age, your gender, your relationship with your body is important. Let’s make sure the way we all speak to ourselves reflects kindness, compassion, and acknowledgement for the strength we carry.

Rohan closing meditation

ROHAN GUNATILLAKE: Thank you, Kim.

Bodies are just so complicated aren’t they?

We all have our own version of the struggle, be it about body-image (I know that one), or physical health, or just the day-to-day work of lugging this thing around. 

None of which is helped, is it, by the relentless cultural forces telling constant stories about what our bodies should or could be like. 

Two things really jumped out at me from Kim’s words. One was the idea of revision or rewriting the script: making the intentional changes to move from a story that wasn’t working for her to one that was. 

And the other thing was how she highlighted the strengths of the parts of her body, rather than fixate on the perceived flaws or challenges. And with those strengths in mind, Kim reveled in the stories of how they supported her. 

So that is the theme I’d like us to play with in our meditation together.

Kim shared her words from the midst of a hot bubble bath, so to start, let’s take her lead and invite warmth and relaxation into the body.

Take a few breaths to notice where in the body you can sense most holding, most tension.

Your back, your face, in the jaw, in the belly, your hands, all classic places many of us tend to hold tension.

And with your next three exhales, giving that tension permission to soften.

Breathing into those areas if that makes sense, breathing and being on their side.

It’s ok to soften.

It’s ok to relax.

And if some tension just wants to stay around, that’s ok too. We can be soft and relaxed about that.

No conflict, just warmth.

Now, let’s turn to the beautiful qualities or strengths that are resident in our body.

What part of your body is ready for your appreciation?

For me, it’s my shoulders asking for appreciation. Yes, they’re a bit sore, but that is well earned. The many miles over the past few years, where I’ve carried my two children when they were too tired to walk. The way my shoulders hold my head as I face the world. I’m feeling the sensations in my shoulders as I appreciate them. 

Now it’s your turn. What is the part of your body you will recognize and celebrate now? What is its story? And, can part of our celebration be bathing that part of the body with the kindness of our awareness? 

Let’s do another rewrite.

I’m going to choose my belly. The part of my body I’ve had the most hate/hate relationship with over the years. But today, it’s love. Love for being the engine room of my breath. Love for being the storeroom of energy for great adventures yet to come. Inspiration and energy. This is what is here as I feel the breath in my belly. Knowing its movements as it rises and falls. 

And now you. What will you rewrite? What will you bathe with your attention?

Thank you Kim for your so very poignant words. 

It can be hard for many of us to face the various issues we have with our bodies. And for many of us it can be a life’s work. So as I said before, it’s important to be gentle with ourselves when exploring this topic. 

Thank you for listening today. And be well.

We’d love to hear your personal reflections from Kim’s episode. How did you relate to her story? You can find us on all your social media platforms through our handle @MeditativeStory, or you can email us at: [email protected].